Hey Reader!

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I am so grateful for you, and I am humbled that you take time every week to read this Thurs-yay. I recently heard from a podcaster who told me she loved receiving this newsletter every week. How amazing! God is so good!

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I have been keeping the picture below on my desktop for the past few weeks. There's just something lovely about the all white bookshelf, tastefully built in, the rustic wood table, the tulips on the vase hinting at spring. This is how I'd like my office to feel.

I am SO grateful spring is springing into being. I'm busy ordering veggie seeds from this amazing place. Something inside me ignites when it's time to put my hands in the dirt. Do you relate?

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I'm also taking more time planning my meals. I used to do this with kids under our roof, but now I'm doing it to anticipate a feast. Last week I made homemade spaghetti sauce on the stove top. It made the whole house smell like Italy. The next day I made calzones. I do so love to cook. It's a joyful outlet for me. It's probably more joyful because Patrick is the kindest dishwasher there is!

Way:

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(NOTE: this article came from my new Substack account. If you'd like this kind of long form essay content on a weekly basis, you can subscribe here).

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What has helped Joy return

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I am beginning to move away from church hurt and toward some health. It’s been a yearlong journey that mostly remained sad and bewildering, to be honest, and our wound was certainly small in comparison to so many who have trod that awful path. All that to say, I hear you. I see you. The pain is real. You are not crazy.

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Today I’m thinking about what helped me turn the corner. Here are a smattering of ideas:

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Being quiet and tucked away. My head was so full of rumination and overthinking that I needed quiet to be able to process everything. I am typically extroverted, so this took me by surprise. I spent far more time at home, less time in organized worship, and less time with people. The quiet helped me calm down and hear God’s voice.

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Having empathetic friends. Although I spent a lot more time alone than I ever have in the past, I needed my friends. I especially needed people who had walked through church bewilderment, in particularly my friend Stacey. She has weathered some of the harshest church hurt I’ve known, and her wisdom is hard won. To know someone understands what you are walking through (and knows enough to know I was really, deeply struggling) encouraged me that I was not alone. Others have gone before. Others have survived. Others have walked (trudged) through this kind of pain and come out on the other side, albeit limping.

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Avoiding the church that hurt me. I could not enter into conversations about it after awhile. I could barely drive by the church without pain. I had to be careful (so careful) about who I talked to who still remained because there were so many minefields. I had to separate from people who were critical of me (though I did listen to their critique). There came a point when my heart was so fed up with the pain that I could not tolerate even seeing the church. I also could not sing songs related to the church. Nor could I tolerate seeing some of the leadership, so I blocked everyone I could on socials. That truly helped restore my sanity.

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Not picking up a new crusade. I’m into self improvement to a fault. At one point, I decided to hire a health coach to help me navigate healthy eating and exercise. Although this was a nice idea, it caused me so much stress. I eventually, after the intervention of two amazing friends, had to drop my health crusade. My body and mind were completely overwhelmed with grief over leaving my church of 23 years. I could not take on one more thing.

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Loving the people who were hurt. Even though this was difficult and often overwhelmed me, underneath that overwhelm was a deep sense of being helpful to the broken. It blessed me to shoulder the pain of others. The reason I entered into that pain was for their sake, as I felt my own wound was small compared to so many. There is joy that comes from carrying the weight of another’s story—even when it’s hard.

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Having theology talks with Patrick. Ultimately church hurt is a theological problem (or better said, an ecclesial one). This church pain upended so many ideas I had about church, the body of Christ, and the priesthood of all believers. I needed to process that. We did that while walking Daisy, our chocolate lab, over many, many days. I’ve come to the place where I have had to repent of the “bigger is better” mindset, and that numbers always meant the blessing of God. I am more content to be hidden, unseen, and doing quiet work that makes God smile.

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Attending a new church. I know this is hard for many, so I don’t take this gift lightly. Many who are hurt in church cannot step foot back in for fear of triggers and overwhelming pain. So it can take time. A lot of time. Patrick and I wanted to be known again. We wanted to process our grief with other believers. We needed community so desperately. So we visited several local churches and settled on one nearby. It has been an utter haven of hope. We have processed a lot, made some amazing friends (though, of course, we miss those from our other church), and have found like minded people who dignify our story and understand the nuances of church bewilderment. We landed in a healing congregation, and for that I am utterly thankful. I can honestly say I am happier in this new context than I can remember in recent church history.

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I’m sure there are other things I could mention. (Dark chocolate comes to mind. Exercising outdoors, too.) Lament has been an integral part of the grief process as well. But hopefully these little signposts will be helpful to you on your healing journey.

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So excited to share that LPL in audio form is only $10 until this weekend. Click the image to get the sale! :)

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As I mentioned, I have a brand new book that fits well into the message of Love Pray Listen. 199 Prayers for my Adult Child. If you struggle to pray for your adult child, this may empower you! Plus it has blank pages to register your own prayers and the dates you prayed them. How important to look at God's faithfulness as you pray!

Pray

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Jesus, please send specific encouragement Reader's way this fine Thursday. Help Reader uncover a pocket of joy. Bring Reader a new friend in a surprising way. Provide beautifully for Reader and supply every need (and even some wants). Heal Reader's heart especially in the area of church hurt. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

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You are sheer delight, Reader!
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Joyfully,

Mary

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